You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
