i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
