Ambien. No doubt about it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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