K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
