i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
