wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
