when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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