So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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