Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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