you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
