Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
