We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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