Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
