ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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