Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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