I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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