If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
