my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
