sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
