u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
