Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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