It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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