Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
