so explain again why im purple
no
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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