the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
