Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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