I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
