The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW