i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob