Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.