how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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