So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.