Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
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You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice