We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
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