im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize