It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We are two peas in an std pod
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
