moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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