i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
