mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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