the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
