Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
