I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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