we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
