It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
