took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
