I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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