Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
