I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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