u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
