with your own penis?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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