Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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