OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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