I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
