well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
