I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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