her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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