wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All the doctor said was why
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
