I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
