i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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