I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
