apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
try to milk me bitch
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
