Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I want to be your penis for a week.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
