thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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