If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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