I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Mom said you looked used
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
