Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
