So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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