Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
