Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
