I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
