Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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