she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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