You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
