You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
