It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
