I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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