Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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