so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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