There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
