She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
