two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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